The things...

So every person to ever live has those "things"... you know those things about them that really no one but their mother should love... and then theres that person, that person besides their mother who loves "those things"... Here is a list of my "things" that someday "that person" is going to love... whether he likes it or not!

1. My laugh... Now under normal circumstances when a girl says "OMG, like, my laugh is so  nnoying" it's really not... it's like, one of the cutest giggles you've ever heard in your life, like two angels had a glorious holy child and the music than just rang from her mouth could make deaf people hear! However, I am not one of those girls, when I tell you my laugh is annoying I'm saying it with great authority, authority taken from the two separate boys who took me to see movies and told me to "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" the entire time... and from the way a room sort of quiets down after I've laughed, like the collective mind is thinking "NOTHING literally nothing, especially not what just happened, will ever be THAT funny..." That having been said some day "that person" is going to find my dead-awakening, room quieting, banshee-like laugh adorable... so good luck to him... and his ear drums. 
2. The way I blow my nose... this one might seem weird, like come on, Sam! I get it, no matter who you are blowing your nose isn't lady like, or cute, and it will never be polite... and EVERYONE does it, so it's not like people get all that weirded out by it, right... WRONG! When I blow my nose, whether it's like I'm dying and can't breathe out of my nose it's so stuffed up kind of blow, or if it's like the tinniest of boogies that needs to give that tissue a dance... no matter what I do, it's as though a herd of elephants has been put in a room with a  ouse... and attached to their trunks are giant trumpets... so the normal elephant sound is magnified times a million... that is what it sounds like when I blow my nose. And so one day my person is going to find that unbearably adorable... one day I'm gonna be hanging out in his apartment and go to the bathroom down the hall shut the door, turn on the faucet, and blow my nose and his roommate is gonna say something like "Dude, did upstairs Steve take up the trumpet? 'cause he sucks!" and my person's gonna say "na, dude, that's just my woman blowing her nose..." and he'll get a little twinkle in his eye and his roommate is gonna say something like, "dude...." 
3. My innate desire... no... NEED! to know EVERYTHING that's going on! It's like a disease, I HATE not knowing what's going on.... There's this restaurant on my way to work and the sign says "Thanks Magic Valley for your loyalty" and I'm sitting in my car contemplating ways to find out what that means... are they closing? are they being weirdly grateful... I mean come on, you're a restaurant! Just tell me your secrets! Or how I still take pride in that one time Madeline told me, 2-years after we graduated High School, that if I didn't know something about our old classmates, then it wasn't true... ya, I still tell people that story... 5 freaking years later! Or how I like to spew out random facts about  Taylor Swift... like anyone cares, and come on by now most of the people who have met me probably think I'm one of those crazy fans who would meet Taylor Swift and just break down into tears and not even be able to remove herself from fetal position long enough to take a selfie with her... WHICH IS SO NOT TRUE! I mean... I'm not that crazy... I just REALLY like to know everything! So, that begin said, one day "he" is going to LOVE that about me... and every now and then he's going to come home with the latest editions of People and Us weekly just to keep me updated... He's so good to me!
4. My oddly disproportionate facial features... I'm not a tiny person, I'm 5'11" and I won't tell you how many pounds, just know it's more than a-buck-fifty... So back to my point... I'm not tiny and yet my nose, mouth, and eyes might tell you a different story. My nose has been described (in the last few years) as the "cutest thing I've ever seen"... my mouth has become a joke for all ages... I'm not even kidding I used to have bite size contests with a 5-year-old... she won every time... And my eyes... well they are deceiving... they look big, but, well lets just say I have to be careful when I put on liquid eyeliner because it ends up all over my brow bone because my eyelid isn't big enough to let it stay where it's supposed to... so then I just look weird... and maybe a little gothic.
5. My weird allergies. I have two of them, I mean I actually have a million allergies but most of them are pretty normal, hay fever, horses, dogs, cats, furred-animals (I could NOT have been Curella DeVille no matter how much I love her shoes) But no, on top of all these "normal
   
   allergies" I have two weird ones that even science cannot explain (or at least I haven't asked  im) Yes Science is a man, more specifically a little boy, his name is Audio Science and his mom is a movie star... and was probably high on PCP when she named him... anyway, he can't explain it so that's that! I'm allergic to raw carrots and celery... they give me heart burn... true story... so some day there will be my person and he will be able to look at this legit medical anomaly and he will support me and my cruditès'-less life!

These are my dreams, that some day I will have "that person" and these "things" will just be 5 of the many reasons he loves me!

The Diet Coke Thing...

So I addressed this once I believe... like 124 posts ago, so maybe it's time to bring it up again...

I. LOVE. Diet. Coke... 

I'm one of the millions of Americans who gets a little rush every time she takes a sip of the delicious brown liquid. I don't know if it's the fizz, or the chill, it could all be mental, or it could be an actual chemical reaction but each sip seems to make my day just a little bit better. I'm not addicted in the typical sense, I've quit drinking DC for months, I never had headaches, or unbearable cravings, I drank plenty of water and peed a lot more, but I don't think I ever had a moment where I thought I can't keep this up... I just decided I wanted another Diet Coke and that was that. I don't wake up with headaches and uncontrollable cravings, it's just a happy part of my morning. I don't get itchy and count the hours between fixes... Diet Coke is just, an added pleasure in my day. 

My love of Diet Coke having now been rationalized I'll continue... I've been told by multiple people about the dangers of Aspartame and how I'm basically embalming myself slowly... future mortician, you're welcome I'm doing your job for you, I just don't care. That sounds really bad, but it's like my friend who was dealing with an uncontrollable bladder... now she's a mom, so it's nothing new, but she asked her doctor what she could do about it and he told her "stop drinking diet coke" and she goes "but it makes me happy" his response was "well I don't know what to tell you, be happy with wet pants"... There are just so many more good things than the minimal chance that one day my insides will turn to solids. I mean if it really was so bad I feel like the FDA or who ever controls that stuff would put some kind of ban on it... but no ban has been placed, and the Coca-Cola company hasn't been sewed for wrongful, premature, death by Diet Coke, that we know of, so for right now, I'm ok! Granted... I haven't actually done research on this subject so I suppose I could be "all wet" as by grandma would have said, but I just don't care enough to do much more than search google for pictures of Diet Coke to go with this post... 

Here's my truth right now... I love Diet Coke and I am not ashamed to write a whole post about it! I also love Taylor Swift... so that explains the pictures...

Packing up my life...

Ok, so here's what's happening right now... I'm a week out from moving my life again and I'm again freaking out at this daunting task... my usual M.O. is to do it, like, the day before I move, but when you live with people and have to pack in their space, you kind of have to be picky with the time you choose to take over. So while they are in Canada I'm taking over the living room... all my clothes are currently splayed all over the floor in front of the TV upon which I'm catching up on some shows I've been neglecting. I don't think it's normal for it to be this difficult to pack clothing...

I think I have a disease... I'd have to check Web MD but I'm pretty sure there has to be some mental issue who's symptoms involve being unable to throw away even the rattiest of outfits... I have these sweaters and shirts with, like, big gaping holes, holes that are impossible to miss... last Sunday Ainslee (5 years old) stuck her finger in the hole in my sweater's armpit... uncool Ainslee, you know how ticklish I am! When a 5-year old is commenting on the state of your wardrobe you know it's bad... that or her mother has completely inserted herself into her brain... which is also possible!

SO I've already "thrown out" 5 sweaters and a shirt... I say "thrown out" because they are sitting in a pile behind me and I won't believe I can do it until they are in the garbage can at which time I will probably not touch them again... probably, ya, you read that right...

Anyway I'm gonna get back to the whole packing thing, no worries, I have a bunch of Diet Coke to back me up!

Update: it has been 4 days since writing the above and I have yet to actually put the "throw out" pile in a garbage... they are lying on my bedroom floor mocking me... jerks!