1. Open a jar with a rubber band... So basically what they're saying is. Dear Single Lady, there will never be a time when you're opening a jar that you'll have a man or even a man-friend over, or heck, probably not even like a buff lady friend when you're trying to open this difficult jar of pickles... You're life is basically gonna be one hard to open jar after another. And if we're being real, pickle breath isn't really ideal date breath... so it's probably for the best, anyway...
2. Store your leftover wine in a mason jar... this one is like a nice way of pretending you're not going to finish that whole bottle of wine on your own. Let's be real, I don't drink so this one doesn't apply to me, but if I learned anything from Cougartown it's that one bottle of wine is like child's play, let's not pretend we're gonna have any "leftovers"
3.Shake a bottle of open soda so it doesn't go flat... I repeat what I said about the wine... I owned a 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke last Saturday night... easy!
4. Cleaning spray makes moving heavy objects easier... Really, like I'm going to be moving heavy objects, please, if I can't find friends to do it for me I will hire someone to take care of that business! I am a lady! A lady with dainty lady hands (or so I was told last night at FHE Bowling) so there dude who shook my MAN SIZED HANDS in college, you douche... but I digress... I am a lady, and ladies do NOT move their own heavy objects, they watch while men take care of that stuff... or like body building ladies, I'm not sexist...
5. Something about putting something in your fridge to keep food from going bad... well fine I guess you don't know me that well if you think there's any sort of fresh food in my fridge, gosh random list made by now one I know, I thought we had a connection!
6. Tooth paste to make aligning picture on the wall easier... Well if I'm that lonely for that long what pictures do I have to hang anyway?! Certainly not any wedding pictures, gee list, thanks for reminding me I'm no married! Gosh who do you think you are, my grandmother?!
7. Deter mice with peppermint oil... is this your way of telling me I stink?!
8. With a paper clip and string you can zip up your own dress... well with tuppins for paper and string you can have your own set of wings! Is that how you spell "tuppins"? And what is todays value of a tuppin, is that like a ha-penny (which I still don't believe is real) And while we're on the subject of fractions in monitory matters, what's the deal with gas costing $3.78 9/10... where am I going to get 9/10 of a penny?! that's not even a fake ha-penny... OH! Maybe a Tuppin is worth 9/10 of a penny! I GET IT NOW!!!! Thanks loneliness list!
9. Use scotch tape to keep a bracelet in place... I've had 25 years of putting my own bracelets on... by now you'd hope I've gotten it down! Having said that... not a bad idea, not a bad idea at all...
10. Unclog a drain with baking soda and vinegar... well any 4th grader knows that one!
11. Unclog a toilet with dish soap and hot water... that just seems messy to me... and when a toilet is involved we NEVER want the word messy to be used... No really, NEVER!!!
12. Put a duvet cover on in 24 seconds... really? 24 seconds?! I'm going to be honest, I couldn't even finish reading this one, I mean who DOESN'T know how to put a duvet cover one in 24 seconds... you put a blanket on your bed?! I mean, come on!
13. Bay leaves in corner keeps the cockroaches at "bay"... very punny list for lonely people, but lord help me if I ever see a legit live cockroach, first I will have a heart attack, and second I will stalk it until I can find someone to get rid of it, squash it yes, but only after you've taken it and your shoes outside... EWW! anything that can survive a nuclear attack does not deserve to live... just sayin'
14. One about a microwave that i've know since I was 9...
15. Use your dishwasher to wash things other than dishes... in this one there's a picture of an open dishwasher with a cat in it... so basically what they are saying is wash your cat in your dishwasher!
So there you have it, my commentary on the loneliest list I have EVER read... I hope it helps all my living alone friends.... and I honest to goodness hope I will one day use some of these "hacks"
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