Midterms: Satan's plan

This week is Midterms, which means that NEXT week is Spring Break!!! But before we get to relax in the glow of Springtime, or as people say in Wyoming "more snow" we must spend a whole week stress eating and crying ourselves to sleep. So "why?" I ask myself, why is this allowed? Testing is the bane of every students existence, and as far as I'm concerned is not an accurate measurement of one's accumulated knowledge. It is, however, an accurate measurement of one's ability to cram an inordinate amount of knowledge into ones head until it inevitably disappears into the abyss five minutes after the test ends...

Here is, I believe, the origin of Midterms and Finals:

Meeting of all the evil in the universe:

• Satan (who sits at the head of the table with the inventors of plastic packaging and thongs on his right and left sides) says to the group: "Alright gang, we need to come up with a way to drive kids to drink... I'm thinking some form of super stress and then a whole week off... Ideas?" 
•  Whoever decided I needed to take Stats: "well I hear there are some pretty stupid classes required for college students these days, what if we make them take a test that accumulates their  knowledge to a mid and a final point?"
•  Satan: "excellent plan, Stat Man! Hey, check it, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!" 
•  all evil doers in attendance "hahaha, Oh master, you kill us! Haha"
• And then just because he's evil Satan set them all on fire!

Well now that I've laid out how Midterms got invented, I'm going to go ahead and study for something that may or may not lead me to Cancun next week for a topless appearance on Girls with Low Self-Esteem or something of the sort...