My disease: Diarrhea of the brain...

So I've been thinking about my inability to procure dates. See, the funny thing is, when it comes to my friends I have almost FLAWLESS advice. I can almost always help them in relationship stuff. When they're in the pre-relationship crushie stuff, I can tell them what to do and what not to do, My advice hasn't failed yet. I'm also able to read the thoughts of their significant other with almost supernatural precision... but here's the thing, when I'm involved, my brain turns to mush...

So I'm going to have a conversation with myself, because until they can clone something more advanced than a sheep, I'm stuck with imaginary advice from myself... We will call the me that knows everything "Sansei Sam" or SS for short, and we'll call the me with the gastrointestinal issues of the brain "Young Padawan" or YP for short... PS, SS is the one with the curly hair.... because she's BA...




SS: Tell me your problems YP

YP: Well, beyond the fact that I'm so nerdy I actually know what a Young Padawan is?... where do I start, I've gone almost 25 years without a significant other and I don't know how to get one and NOT scare him off with my craziness... It's like when I meet a boy I immediately put him in this category of "He'll never like me so let's just get this over with..." and BAM, I've friend-zoned myself.

SS: Well YP, that sounds pretty pathetic

YP: Well you're mean...

SS: Not the point! The point is, we have to find some way to not make you seem like such an idiot when meeting and getting to know boys.

YP: I would't call myself an Idiot...

SS: Well, I'm you, so yes you would...

YP: Well Played...

SS: Ok, so you're trying to avoid the immediate sorting into the friend zone... well first thing's first, you've got to be too hot to friend zone

YP: Done! Ok, well once I stop eating Midnight Taco Bell so I can buy dog food, DONE!

SS: Excellant, Step two, You have got to stop looking at every person with a Y-chromosome as a future husband...

YP: I do n..

SS: YES YOU DO!  Every man you meet, you immediately thing, is he the one?! Well, he's not! So get over it, if you're lucky maybe you'll make out, IF YOU'RE LUCKY. However, chances are, you'll just end up friends, that being said, you don't need to force it! I've said before that men like the chase, well that's not just when it comes to gettin' some... Men don't like being a round a chick who wants to hang out SO bad!

YP: Ok... I think I'm getting it! 1. Not a husband 2. you're gonna be friends, don't push it, let it happen naturally.

SS: Exactly! The best thing you can do is let things happen naturally!

YP: Thanks SS, you're the bomb...

SS: I'd say thanks but I think that might make me conceded... I'm not really sure, this whole talking to yourself thing is kind of confusing...


THERE IT IS! Holy crap, SS totally knew what to say! Too bad I live in a place where pretty much no one new comes around... OH MY GOSH!! I just remembered someone new moved here! YES! Ok, I am totally going to remember SS's advice! He's just a dude, maybe we'll be friends, maybe not, either way... Life will go on!

I CAN DO THIS! 

(and yes I did just compare myself to Elena and Katherine... BAM! TVD obsession win!)