Monday, October 6, 2014

Hello, my name is Awkward.

In High School my sister was known frequently as "the awkward one" and while I've had my awkward moments I can't say it's ever been my title, however this weekend has for sure changed my view on that... I am officially "The Awkward One"

Let's start with Saturday... Most of the day was pretty normal, but let's just talk for a minute about how I get the whole guy who left his pants in the bathroom thing that has stumped any and all who have watched the Olan Rogers video "Ghost in the Stalls" (if you have not seen this video, drop what ever you are doing and click on that link... go head I'll wait.....) Have you watched it... has your idea of what funny is changed, do you no longer have any inclination to continue reading... that's ok I get it... Well if you're still reading I can only assume you're really board, so let's continue... That part where he's like "Again, freaking again?!" Ya, I get the again... So I went to General Conference (semi-annual Mormon conference, if you want to know more let me know, other wise I'll continue) So I was wearing a skirt and some uncomfortable shoes and so we stopped at Target and I bought a new outfit (Ya, that seems like the thing any normal person would do, right?!) So I went in the bathroom to change and I'm in there tying to change and thinking a few things... 1st. I'm so glad I was able to do this in the handicap stall... 2nd. What kind of bathroom germs are on this floor.... 3rd I totally get "again!" So ya, I'm thinking about how I can totally understand leaving behind your pants after you bought a new outfit... I can't say I did it, but I get it. Leave behind your past, leave behind your Hammer-style parachute pants that will identify you as the bank thief, and by so doing leave behind your troubles as you change into a new life in the Target  Bathroom... really, it's a story of redemption. Then later that night I'm sitting outside the Salt Lake Temple waiting for my sister to finish talking to her friends and I got bored so I lied down and stared up at the stars, only to have the Sister missionaries take pitty on the pathetic soul, star gazing and they came and sat with me until Emily was done... Like how pathetic must I have looked for them to think "wow, we should really talk to her make make sure she's not dead, or escaped from the mental ward..." They were really nice though...

Then Sunday comes a long, and here's awkward moment number one, no one needed to know about but I'll tell you anyway. So I don't know if I'm the only one who does this... I probably am... but often when I'm alone with animals I talk to them like they completely understand my random musings and then I answer myself in my head pretending to be them... basically I'm Christophe. I actually remember this one time I was babysitting and the baby was asleep and so I'm looking though the pantry for snacks singing to the cat about how her mom and dad have no food to eat, ya you read that right... I was singing to the cat, actually she was a kitten and she was hiding from me but that's not the point. So I'm singing to this cat and her mom walks in... I have no definitive proof that she heard me, she was tactful enough to pretend she didn't if she did, but, ya, after that I'm just lucky they let me come back... So now that we've established I might be a little crazy, lets get back to yesterday... So I was at my aunt and uncle's house alone with their dogs talking to them like they know what the heck I'm talking about and I realize how lucky I am that no one can actually witness this... like, it would be pretty bad if people saw what was happening right now, I'd for sure be locked up... fast forward to dinner that night in which I met my sister's friend Roger for the first time and this conversation occurs: Me: Big booty Hoe!!! Roger: (crickets...) Wow... So, no one ever makes me feel awkward... but, you may have just done it... I applaud you for that!! So while Roger was "applauding" me for my awkwardness I'm secretly chastising myself/ deciding that it's not my thing and pointing out every moment that's even slightly awkward... I mean, come on, I'm above that pathetic kind of humor...

Flash forward to today when I get to work and begin my day with yet ANOTHER computer problem and I'm being told AGAIN that I broke the computer... at this point it's a miracle I haven't been fired... although I can't say that I actually believe I did this one all on my own, I think something else is going on, but what ever. the point is that everyone here is asking themselves why on earth the computer illiterate girl was hired to work on the computer all day...




So there it is, yet another reason I have yet to find a date of any kind... I'm the most awkward human being and my awkward skills may have been laying dormant for the last few years and building up all their awkward life destroying powers, until they were let loose this weekend!