Friday, May 30, 2014

Things hot people can get away with...

So I've been thinking today, there are a lot of things that hot people can get away with that the rest of the universe can't... Here's my list of things that most people have a hard time with:

  1. Being friends with other hot people... Hot people can be friends with as many hot people as they want because the chance is, eventually they will find a hot person who wants more than friendship... the rest of us are "just" friends with all the hotties and we're sitting there staring at their chiseled abs thinking "why can't he love me" and he's like "Oh Sam! You're so funny!" not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything... Screw you Douchie Chad!
  2. Moving: For most people moving is a big ordeal, it involves finding a place to live, a job, packing up your life and hauling it out to your car/trailer, unloading trailer and unpacking...etc... Hot people have no trouble finding jobs, or places to live (I mean what landlord DOESN'T want a total hottie boosting up their property value?! Loading and Unloading, please, if you're a girl hottie, every man in the neighbor hood is breaking that trailer down just to hang out with you in your bikini because "moving just makes you soooo sweaty!" And if you're a hot dude... well you can probably carry all your boxes in at once, with your shirt off, while all the chicks in the neighborhood decide at the exact same time to go sun bathing on or near your front yard...
  3. Shopping: It's amazing how everything in every store is some how tailored perfectly to fit the nearest hottie's body... Like, it's almost a Traveling Pants kind of effect... 
  4. Free stuff: Hot people are always getting free stuff because brands want hottie's to be wearing their brand so other non hot people will spend all their money in the hopes that they can look like that hottie some how... hence why I spent $16 on a bottle of hair-texturizing junk yesterday...

 Well... I might hate all hot people now, but I can't because most of my friends fit in the hot category which is actually really good for my ego since it's my theory that all hot people travel in packs, which enplanes how most of them on the CW are Werewolves... 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Let's play Desert Island!

Ok, so most people play this game by picking the 5-movies they'd bring if they were going to be stuck on a Desert Island, or the 3-books... or at least those were the rules on the episode of the Office I watched the other day... Well that got me thinking, what if I was only allowed to bring 3-things with me... like, that's it... what would I pick. So here it is, my list of the three items I CANNOT live without:

  1. Lotion--> I remember when I was in Junior High, like 7th grade, I had this guy (who's name I can no longer remember) who's locker was right next to mine, and down a level. I remember one spring day coming to school in these shorts and thinking OMG what's-his-name (it started with a K or something, all I remember was he was hot) is going to think I have the driest legs of all time! I was so worried about that... I remember talking to him and making a comment about how dry my legs were, you know because the best way to make sure someone doesn't notice something is to point it out... and so from that day on he called me "dry legs" and from that day on I have not been with out lotion with out FREAKING out! And it's not just my legs anymore, it's my hands, I can't handle it when they are dry, I start to basically hyperventilate! So yes, the first thing I will NEVER be with out is Lotion!
  2. Baby Wipes--> I use them to wash my makeup off, I use them to clean, I use them for everything, so if I'm going to be on a desert island with no way to bathe, or a stock of toilet paper, I'm bringing a lifetime supply of frakking baby wipes! Plus if by some miracle I meet a man on this desert island (And lets be real, if it's not happening for me here in America it's got to be because some indigenous man is waiting for me on this remote island i don't know how I got stuck on) and I have his native baby, I'm going to be super glad I have those baby wipes!
  3. It has recently come to my attention that I may have male readers, so I'm going to try to say this as delicately as possible... hahahahaha, ok let's be real when have I ever been Delicate... hahahaha! Ok, item number 3 is Tampons... I don't know how women survived with out them and I don't want to find out! Plus, if Amanda Bynes taught us anything it's that Beckham uses
    them all the time for nose bleeds and if I'm going to be stuck on a desert island fighting indigenous women for the right to one of the tribal men, then I'm going to end up with some bloody noses! (But you should see the other chick before you judge too harshly, she's way more messed up!) 

So there you have it my 3-most valuable items (of the moment) If you have any further questions about life on a deserted island please watch Blue Lagoon...

Make sure to tell me in the comments the 3-things you can't live without! Or do you agree with me!?

Monday, May 26, 2014

A new obsession

So my friend Megan inadvertantly got me hooked on beauty videos and one of the things these girls do, other than tell you how to put on make up and use cool hair products is a bag tour... basically they empty out their bags and tell you all the cool products that are in them, well I decided that I wanted to do one too, but since I type everything out rather than make videos (although everyone's been telling me I should start a Youtube channel... just the thought of that makes me giggle...) any way, here you go, you didn't ask for it, so here it is! MY BAG CONTAINS.... (drum roll please)

Ok well let's start off with my bag itself, I like to call it my bomber girl bag, because it's like a bomber jacket in material but it's for a girl... and it's a purse... I got it at a store here in Gillette called Back to the Rack, for $9... that might be a little out of your price range so if it is, I suggest digging around at your local DI!

In the front pocket of my bomber girl bag are my keys and a blue hair tie, because I always have to have a hair tie with me, otherwise I'll go insane...

Inside my bag, in the small pocket is some gum, Orbit Sweet Mint to be exact, I really like the light flavor of this gum, it keeps my breath for smelling gross! Also in this pocket is my Burts Bee's lip balm, it's got a nice minty flavor to it, and when my lips were super dry and gross this winter from not being kissed it really helped to keep them moist! I also have some hot pink (80's style) lipstick that came in my Birchbox, (ps if you want an invite to Birchbox let me know in the comments...I'm OBSESSED!), a pen, and chapstick that Delene had me keep in my bag and forgot to give back to her!

Further in my bad we find a Coach make-up bag, I love this bag, it was $30 and it makes me feel like a rich person whenever  I hold it! inside that bag is Eye drops that make your eyes burn, my DKNY roll-on perfume so I don't stink, lotion and hand sanitizer in coconut verbena lime sent, a tampon, my acne medicine and nail polish I forgot I had!

The next thing I pull out is my sunglasses case! My sunglasses are prescription and from Firmoo, which I LOVE!

My wallet, a Tyler Rodan yellow wallet my mom bought for me!

A pad Delene asked me to put in my bag and forgot to give back to her...

A water bottle, to keep me hydrated, because it's good for your skin and stuff...

My pen case! This case is HUGE! there is absolutely NO reason I need that many pens on my person at all times but I don't leave home with out it!

Lady Gaga headphones my boss gave me, a comb, my lotion which I would die with out, and a fruit roll up... and some trash I stuffed in earlier...

So there you have it! my bag tour! I know you're so glad you kept reading and if you want any of the products I've featured here today go to Walgreens because that's most likely where I got them!

Friday, May 23, 2014


17 has been a significant number to me since my Junior year in HS, my friend Madeline and I used to write notes to each other during class and #17 was always the same thing... "Miss Pack-man is a WHORE!" It was an inside joke about a girl we didn't like because she was a boyfriend stealer, that's not the point though... it progressed in my favoriteness in college when I discovered that in the movie Chicago there is a line in one of the songs about how in an acrobatic act the #17 was the SPREAD EAGLE!... so obviously I love it... Today the number 17 is going to be the number of classy as heck places to get knocked up...

You know... just in case...

  1. Back seat of any car
  2. Club
  3. Back of the Bus
  4. Hot Tub
  5. Truck Stop
  6. Locker Room at the Gym
  7. Walmart
  8. Rock Concert
  9. Porta-potty
  10. by-the-hour motel
  11. Park after midnight
  12. BYU-Idaho
  13. In a tent/Camping
  14. Movie theatre
  15. Break room at work
  16.  Dorm room
  17. Miss Pack-man is a WHORE! 
  18. (because 17 wasn't really a place, but it had to be said...) Anywhere you can hear "Baby got Back" in the background. 
Well there you have it, in no particular order, the 17 classiest places to get knocked up. Obviously I will now use this list to remind me where I should be knocking before I enter, I just hope this doesn't give you any ideas, this is mostly a warning to all the public, ALWAYS KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING! 

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Wave to the audience

So I've been thinking, I've been watching the OC which I got on DVD at Hastings for under $30... yes ALL 4 SEASONS! So I watch this show which is 150% drama ALL THE TIME and I just experience these characters making the same mistakes over and over again... they ruin their lives:

Ryan commits acts of violence, Marissa experiments with substance abuse, Julie is just a terrible person, Sandy and Kirsten despite being a seemingly perfect couple (for New Port anyway) continue to hover on the edge of extra marital affairs... honestly the only sane person is Summer, who's best friend is a My Little Pony who's name is Princess Sparkle.

I love this show!

So I watch these characters destroy their lives over and over again and I get to thinking... is someone watching me make the same mistakes over and over again? So I thought it might be a good idea for me to enumerate my mistakes right here and now, put it all in the open, because as we all know from Marissa's counseling escapades and Kirsten's stint in rehab, acceptance is the first step to recovery!

  1. I'm pretty sure there is some girl like me sitting at home staring at her computer screen (obviously in a different universe) yelling at me saying "WHY DO YOU STAY UP SO LATE!!" she's thinking to her self "over and over again, every episode, this girl sits and stares at her stupid computer on youtube watching Jimmy Fallon, watching her DVD sets, Netflixing, Huluing... she needs some dang sleep! No wonder she's single!"
  2. And then she's watching me try to decide whether my craving for Taco Bell is enough to conquer my desire to not move at all and she's thinking to herself: "Oh my gosh woman, get off your butt and do something! at least walk on the treadmill while you watch the OC!" 
  3. Let's not forget my D in Stats... I'm sure she's thinking "You know maybe you shouldn't be bragging so much about how 'D's get degrees'... it's only cute for so long!"
  4. But I'm sure the one that gets her the most is the state of my closet, I can just see her, sitting their feet away from her impeccably organized closet just asking her self "how does a closet like that even support a normal human... it's not natural, it's disgusting! I mean really, when was the last time you did laundry" and if she payed any attention to the "previously on Sam's life..." She'd know that the last time I did laundry was 2 weeks ago, so there! 
So in this alternate universe where the other me, who's much more organized and probably watching me while she walks on the treadmill I'm sure altea-Sam is throughly enjoying the over-voice narration of this blog entry. And in the spirit of time-space-confusion I just want to say hey to her... so I'll wave to my audience... but first I have to figure out where they're hiding the cameras...

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Blonde for a night...

I've been blonde my whole life... I'm properly proud of my naturally golden lochs, I've never colored it so I guess you could say that I have "virgin" hair... haha... I've always laughed at blonde jokes, I think they're pretty hilarious, I mean, "how do you drown a blonde? put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool" who doesn't love that!

Despite the blonde stereotype I've never really felt like a "dumb blonde" I've had my moments, you know, I trip on every folded up carpet, I have trouble walking down stairs in the dark... but I've never felt DUMB... that is until last night.

Last night at institute (one night a week Mormon single adults get together and talk about churchy stuff...) we had a visitor, an Australian man named Mark. Mark was speaking his Australian which apparently is different enough from American that when I pretend to know things about their slang (citing my knowledge gained from the Mary-Kate and Ashley movie) I sound REAL stupid. Seriously, I would laugh and he would look at me like I was wearing a dunce cap...

Here's the thing though, I used to think that only happened to me when I was attracted to a guy, I mean if we learned nothing from the "I like how tall you are" incident, I'm super good at making an idiot out of myself to attractive men. However, this time was different, I mean... well lets just say I was not feelin' Crocodile Dundee's vibe (maybe if he was wrestling a crocodile)... So, nope, apparently I am just a spaz with ANY dude born with a "Y" chromosome.

Damn the "Y"!!!

It's ok, though! I can turn this around... All I need is a brain transplant, that shouldn't be too hard, right? Frakk... I just googled it, it's about 1.3 Million + the cost of developing the technology...

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

One of them...

I'm one of them... one of "those girls" I always assumed that come 25 I'd be married and have a husband to help me worry about money matters and all that... I figured by now I'd have a kid and be blogging about diapers and the best laundry detergent and all that stuff... But no, I'll be 25 in 19 days and I'm stressing about how I'm going to survive come August. I'm actually freaking out, I mean let's be real, my skills include secretarial (excuse me Administrative) work and satirical life evaluations on my blog that got 9-hits in three day, oh, and an Associates Degree in Generals. So basically I should be getting job offers out the wazoo!

I never wanted this, though... I never wanted to be someone who relied on others, but there it is, and I don't know how to fix it... Google tells me to set goals and make charts and map out my budget but I've never been super good at planning ahead so here's what I'm going to do:

  1. Buy lottery tickets: I know people say to save save save, but I'm wondering if prayer+lottery=my salvation!
  2. Troll Craigs List: I've always thought Craig's list was good for free stuff and job searches but I'm thinking about looking for a husband... there as got to be a few almost-to-the-grave old guys with plenty of money and no one to pass it to looking for a wife of the last few years of their life... right?! 
  3. Inherit Millions: This one is a little tricker, my main plan is to some how worm my way onto a celebrity's family tree and have them add me to their will, I'm pretty sure this won't be too hard...
  4. Fake a bunch of shiz on my resume: As I've seen loads of movies that prove that one way or another this works, I'm pretty sure this will award me either A) a high paying job that I'm unqualified for but through various tricks and cuteness I win my bosses over and they just HAVE to keep me or B) a husband... so either way I think this will work out well. I'd like to thank Hilary Duff and other actresses who taught me that deception always works if you're adorable!
I believe that four is enough plans... I'll have plenty of backups if the Lottery tickets don't pan out, which, come on, I don't know how they couldn't! Wish me luck!

Monday, May 19, 2014

Leslie Jones

Leslie Jones, she is my new hero! And in honor of her rant about how she would have done well in the slave days, I'm going to share with you how if I had been born in 16th century Europe I'd have killed it!

I'm 5'11" and my body type could be described as "more to love... no like MORE to LOVE!" women in my situation could have gone two routes...

Route #1: Royalty/rich... larger people ate more, there for they had more money to pay for food... mo money no problems... that's how it goes right? People with money were seriously sought after as I have learned from watching Reign on the CW. Rich people, whether short, fat, young, old, tall, skinny, what evs they looked like er'body wanted a piece of that! So if I'd been right I'd have had ALL the guys up ons this!

Route #2: A prostitute: I don't know what it is but in almost EVERY freaking period movie/tv show I see prostitutes are almost always luscious ladies! Their teeth are rotting, they have more venereal disease than the entire decade of the 1970's, and their job was pretty much gross, but hey they were not short of boyfriends were they? too far? The point is, I would probably have owned that brothel, and I'm not looking to make soup! I would have been the big mama, like the owner, operator, and head madam of the house! Which is actually better, I've paid my dues and now I'm just living the high life, you know. I can make myself available for the, you know, high ranking people, make a lil money, have a good time... ok I'm going too far...

Any way, the point is I'd have done well back in the day, which is why I'll be sending my head shots to Reign in the hopes of being cast as one of Mary's ladies' in waiting who gets a lot of the hot foreign dignitaries to make treaties with us... also don't google "Rubinesque paintings" ... just trust me on this one!

Friday, May 16, 2014

HP, Marriage & Robots

OK, so I don't know how long Pinterest has been doing this but I just recently noticed that it is starting to guess what kinds of things I'm interested in... and it's pretty embarrassing... I think in the past I've talked about my wedding board. It's called "I'm such a girl" because I am, and it makes me feel a little better about how much crap I pin to that board, like I can blame it on the X-Chormosome my father forced on me... Pinterest has decided that the two things I'm the most interested in are Wedding stuff and Harry Potter, and you know what, Pinterest ain't wrong...

The Harry Potter thing isn't something I'm ashamed of, although maybe I should be? I don't know, it's like nerdieness is now cool so I don't have to feel bad about the fact that I know that Cedric Diggory's wand was Ash Wood and Unicorn Tail... or that it kind of bothers me that in the 4th HP movie they replaced Dobby saving the day with Neville, I mean, I love Neville as much as anyone but we only had so long with Dobby, why take that away from us?! GOSH! Sorry... not the point. The point is that if I were ever to get a tattoo, which is not likely due to 1. I'm terrified of inflicting that kind of pain on myself and 2. My body is a temple and all that... if I were to though, it would probably be of the Deathly Hallows, or a quote from Hagrid or something, because it means something to me... and that's ok! But you know what's not ok...

My obsession with marriage, weddings, engagement, colors, flowers, lace, reception decorations, themes (not HP though, I'm not that cray cray...) rings, all that stuff, it's bad. I can't keep blaming my gender on it any more, normal girls aren't this bad. Then again, normal girls have had their first kiss before their 25th birthday, and we're less than a month away from that dead line, so probably not gonna happen... I'm just over compensating I think, middle aged men get hair pieces and Corvettes, middle aged women get 23 year old models and I get an overflowing of suggestions from the smart-computer that is Pinterest of sparkly engagement rings, lacey wedding dresses, and bouquets with spring colors. Why can't I get a 23 year old model, I'll take a Corvette too now that we're talking about it...

I guess what I'm trying to say is I miss the days when we were worried about super computers thinking for themselves and taking over the world, because now Pinterest thinks in knows me but obviously it doesn't, because what it's forgetting is my obsession with Blake Lively's hair and Italian food, so take that Pinterest (or other self sustaining robots)! You may have infiltrated the government in an effort to take over the world but you will never be able to guess all the things I like!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

My disease: Diarrhea of the brain...

So I've been thinking about my inability to procure dates. See, the funny thing is, when it comes to my friends I have almost FLAWLESS advice. I can almost always help them in relationship stuff. When they're in the pre-relationship crushie stuff, I can tell them what to do and what not to do, My advice hasn't failed yet. I'm also able to read the thoughts of their significant other with almost supernatural precision... but here's the thing, when I'm involved, my brain turns to mush...

So I'm going to have a conversation with myself, because until they can clone something more advanced than a sheep, I'm stuck with imaginary advice from myself... We will call the me that knows everything "Sansei Sam" or SS for short, and we'll call the me with the gastrointestinal issues of the brain "Young Padawan" or YP for short... PS, SS is the one with the curly hair.... because she's BA...

SS: Tell me your problems YP

YP: Well, beyond the fact that I'm so nerdy I actually know what a Young Padawan is?... where do I start, I've gone almost 25 years without a significant other and I don't know how to get one and NOT scare him off with my craziness... It's like when I meet a boy I immediately put him in this category of "He'll never like me so let's just get this over with..." and BAM, I've friend-zoned myself.

SS: Well YP, that sounds pretty pathetic

YP: Well you're mean...

SS: Not the point! The point is, we have to find some way to not make you seem like such an idiot when meeting and getting to know boys.

YP: I would't call myself an Idiot...

SS: Well, I'm you, so yes you would...

YP: Well Played...

SS: Ok, so you're trying to avoid the immediate sorting into the friend zone... well first thing's first, you've got to be too hot to friend zone

YP: Done! Ok, well once I stop eating Midnight Taco Bell so I can buy dog food, DONE!

SS: Excellant, Step two, You have got to stop looking at every person with a Y-chromosome as a future husband...

YP: I do n..

SS: YES YOU DO!  Every man you meet, you immediately thing, is he the one?! Well, he's not! So get over it, if you're lucky maybe you'll make out, IF YOU'RE LUCKY. However, chances are, you'll just end up friends, that being said, you don't need to force it! I've said before that men like the chase, well that's not just when it comes to gettin' some... Men don't like being a round a chick who wants to hang out SO bad!

YP: Ok... I think I'm getting it! 1. Not a husband 2. you're gonna be friends, don't push it, let it happen naturally.

SS: Exactly! The best thing you can do is let things happen naturally!

YP: Thanks SS, you're the bomb...

SS: I'd say thanks but I think that might make me conceded... I'm not really sure, this whole talking to yourself thing is kind of confusing...

THERE IT IS! Holy crap, SS totally knew what to say! Too bad I live in a place where pretty much no one new comes around... OH MY GOSH!! I just remembered someone new moved here! YES! Ok, I am totally going to remember SS's advice! He's just a dude, maybe we'll be friends, maybe not, either way... Life will go on!


(and yes I did just compare myself to Elena and Katherine... BAM! TVD obsession win!)

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Judy Dench

It's time to move on my friends, I've graduated with an associates yes a 2-year degree and guess what, it only took me 6! So what's next? Movin' on! I've been in the school-business for quite some time so now it's time to move on, I'll be getting ready to transition from young-adult-hood to real-adult-hood... What's that, you say? "It's not possible for someone as inexperienced as you, Sam" Well... you may be right BUT I turn 25 in less than a month and #thankstoobama, no but really, #thankyouobama for allowing me to stay on my parents health insurance for another year! So I've got one year to get it together! So I've come up with a plan... and it all starts with Judy Dench!

YES, THE Dame Judy Dench! Ok, not THE Dame Judy Dench... the Dog Judy Dench! Judy Dench is a strange dog that wandered into my friend's home and won't go away and so I've told Delene that if in 3-months The Dame is still around** I'll take her off her hands and take her with me... where too, not sure yet, but by then I'll know!

So The Doge Judy Dench is going to teach me about being a grown up... I'll have more than myself to care for, so midnight trip to Taco Bell will be foiled when I'm reminded that it's Taco Bell or dog food! Boom, so more than fixing my lack of mulah and inability to save said mulah, I will be forced to eat healthier! BAM! Thank you Dame!

Dang... now I really want Midnight Taco Bell!

Anyway, the point is that Judy Dench is going to save my life... and I  CANT  WAIT!

**If Judy Dench has, in three months, moved on I will probably get a dog somewhere else, I'll name it according to which celebrity it looks most like... I'm hoping for an Audrey Hepburn, or Rock Hudson, ooh maybe a Pitt Bull named Brad Pitt!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Finally the finale!

By this time I'd imagine you're thinking... OH MY GOSH IT'S THE PAPER THAT NEVER ENDS! But you'd be wrong because today... it ends...

Part the last:

Despite all the good feelings and happy times I’ve had relating to television, I recognize its negative effects. Television helps us escape reality, for those 30-60 minutes we travel to a different world, a world where our problems do not exist. This effect, as many housewives addicted to the daily happenings in General Hospital have proven, can be dangerous. Too little reality has damaging effects on families as well as individual psyches. I’ve joked in the past about being in a trance when I watch television, but I often find people yelling at me to get my attention when I’ve been enthralled in show, the Zombie effect is not just a joke anymore. This escape from reality is all too exciting for someone like myself who hasn’t much excitement of her own. Although it is not something I like to widely advertise, I have never had a romantic relationship of my own, I have never experienced those emotions, and therefore the relationships I watch on television become all too exciting for me. This, I realize, might not be exactly healthy. How many people like myself escape their lack of drama into a world entirely dramatic just to have a little semblance of an idea of what that might be like someday. Does this skew our ideas of real relationships though? Will my focus on television romance one-day harm a chance for a romantic relationship of my own? These are questions I must ask myself and others like me must ask themselves, if we are to continue in our state of addiction.
As a whole Television is not bad, but I believe there is something to be said in the idea that one should practice moderation in EVERYTHING. America has always been known for her extremes, so it is no surprise that television is one of those, but a smart American recognizes that the freedom we are so proud of is relinquished as one lets an addiction take over.

So there you have it, the paper that if TVGuide accepts my applications could change everything, don't worry, I'll remember you when I'm accepting my Pulitzer prize or whatever... 

Monday, May 12, 2014

Part three in which we get sentimental...

Ok, so now it's time to get down to the knitty-gritty... let's dig deep into my psyche, you be Freud and I'll enjoy a nice lie-down here on your couch... enough? cool, here you go!

Part trios: 

Even after this revelation I’m still contemplating what tomorrow being Thursday means for my Queue… Tuesday and Thursday are, in my opinion, usually the best nights in television. Tuesdays are for New Girl, the Mindy Project, The Originals, and Supernatural (just to name some of my favorites). Thursday nights, though, those are my favorite: Parks and Rec, The Vampire Diaries, Reign, Community, and a new one I’m excited for, Salem, are just a few of the Thursday night shows I get excited for all week!

          Over the years I’ve had a few Television shows that I count as my favorites. Most of the ones I could go back to over and over again are more than just a TV show to me, I watched them with my whole family: Charmed, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, and Veronica Mars, are the main ones on this list. As a family 1-2 times a week we would gather around the television, all six of us, and enjoy some family time. This, I believe is where my Television “addiction” started. My sister and I have watched the strong women of those television shows and have been empowered because of them.  My brother and I bond over our mutual love of Arrested Development; there is not much else he and we have in common besides television. My mother and I used to watch the TBS-edited version of Sex and the City together and it was nights like those when I would have deep conversations with her about things most daughters can’t talk to their mom’s about. She’s my best friend, and while I will not give the full credit to Carrie Bradshaw, I will say that the conversations I had with my mom because of those nights are ones that I will always be grateful for!

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Part deux

Well I hope you enjoyed last time's installment of what will hopefully one day make me enough money to feed my addiction... which brings me to my next point...

Part 2:

       As I mentioned before there’s no definitive answer to the question, how much is too much? However despite the lack of medical journal entries on the subject there have always been those who believe they have the answer. My father, Cheryl, friends, my grandma, and crazy people who remove all the televisions from their home are just a few on the list. Some might say it’s an issue once you’ve bought the DVD’s. Others might have misgivings with the fact that I have at any given moment about 5-tv shows I need to catch up on in my Hulu queue. There is a whole series of Pinterest “gifs” devoted to the ever becoming popular art of “Netflix Binging.” The idea is that in one weekend one person, or a particularly coomfortable couple, may devour an ENTIRE television series. I do not use the term art form lightly, there are things to be considered; food, bathroom breaks, hydration, these things along with location (bedroom, living room) must be considered when contemplating a weekend stay in Downton Abbey, or perhaps Stars Hollow, or maybe stuck on an island with 48 other strangers on Lost.

Let’s go back to my Hulu queue for a second, at this very moment I have 4-television shows awaiting my attention, I’m 4-episodes behind on one, 2-behind on another, and only one behind on the other two. This is not including the 3-television shows I watched this morning before going to work. It’s not like I sit in my bed just watching, I usually use that time to be productive, getting ready in the morning, cleaning out my closet (Something that can probably be done daily). And let’s not get into my Netflix Queue. There are so many options for television these days, there’s Hulu ($7/month) Netflix ($7/ month) Amazon Prime ($35/year for students) iTunes ($2.99/episode) and Cable/ Satellite subscriptions ($20-$100/month) that’s at least $270+/year. Too much yet?

Monday, May 5, 2014

The beginning...

Friends it has been much too long! I've been letting myself get so sidetracked with everything else going on in my life and I've hardly had anytime to think about why I'm not dating... which I suppose is a good thing? But it's taken a toll on this old girl, So it's time to get back on the saddle, it's like riding a bike I hear!

I'll start by introducing a new segment... I wrote an op-ed piece for my government class... he left the topic up to us and I ended up deciding to write what  I know... so rather than force you to read it all at once, I'll keep it short and sweet and give it to you in pieces for the next couple of days... let me brag for a second though, after reading my paper he compared me to a famous essayist he's currently reading and told me my paper was publishable, so at the risk of getting a big head... here goes...

Part one:
                              Why do I love TV so damn much?!

            I may have just wasted 4 straight hours watching 30Rock on Netflix, or maybe I was catching up on my Hulu queue, either way the one thing I was NOT doing was picking a topic for this paper. Once I realized my main distraction could itself be my topic it was all down hill from there.
Type “Television Addiction” into Google and you’ll discover that 1. It is not a diagnosable condition of the DSM-IV 2. 60%-70% of Americans believe it is addicting and 3. Researchers have yet to define the difference between “normal” and “problem” television viewing. (So take that, Dad!) Despite the lack of research and studies to produce any sort of statistics on the subject I have been told on multiple occasions by at least five people that I’m probably addicted to television. So why, what is it about television that I love so DAMN much?! This question is one I intend to answer. To what end, one might ask? Well, presumably to make someone laugh, and to justify the countless hours a week spent on my laptop.
            Let’s start with the simple questions: who, what, when, and where? Who: Me, and almost every non-Amish human. What: Television in all it’s varying conditions: drama, comedy, reality, noir, fantasy, science fiction, current events, cartoon, competition, etc. The list is never ending; everyday hundreds of television ideas are being thought of, pitched, purchased, piloted, fan-girled, and canceled. When: Fall-Spring and Spring-Summer, oh, and thanks to Netflix and DVD Boxed-sets, everyday! Where: Well it started on the living room floor, the whole family surrounding the television but has since progressed to anywhere you’re laptop, iPad, or Internet enabled phone can travel and/or catch a Wi-Fi signal.