Thursday, August 29, 2013

Japanese Hair Torture

So I'm pretty sure that if we have a WWIII I know how to win... it's called Japanese Hair Torture... I suppose it doesn't have to be Japanese, is it racist of me to call it that? Oh well... I'm anti-racist you guys, I don't care what nationality you are, if you're 4 and you brush my hair, it's torture!

Today I was straightening my hair and while I was doing it the 4 year old I live with was having a little too much fun practicing her war-time skills. I'm considering reporting her to the CIA so they know what weapons they have in their corner. Seriously though, I'm not exaggerating... ok... that's like saying I'm not blonde and awesome... I'm ALWAYS exaggerating. But she really did make a 18 year old boy cry the other day. In her defense he has probably never actually brushed his hair in his long 18-years of life...  The joy in her eyes is almost terrifying...

I think I've figured out her technique and I feel like I can start to teach a self-defence class based on it. I won't share all of her secrets here because, like I said, I'm hoping to start a class and if I put them in writing what's the point, but here are a few key things to remember:

  1. Use rubber bands rather than pony-tails
  2. when brushing use combs with tiny tiny teeth rather than a brush or a large-toothed-comb, this allows you to snare as many knots as is humanly possible at the same time.
  3. Use your body weight to pull as you bring the comb down, normal arm strength is never enough to make a person cry. 

Well now you have a list of ways to torture, but if you really want to master the technique meet me in the Gillette Community Center parking lot (they wouldn't give me a legit room) at 11PM tonight, maybe bring some pepper spray, you never know what kind of weird-o's are out at night!