Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The story that could change everything...

Get yourself a bowl of popcorn and a blanket because I'm about to tell you a story that could take a while... You've been on the edge of your seat for weeks while I've been MIA... I'm sorry for that, but something happened that I didn't really know how to tell you guys... Something that may or may not change everything.

No I did not get a sex change! Come on...

Well... I hope at this point you know enough about me by now that I don't have to give you a whole bunch of back story, if you need clarification please comment below... either way... here it goes...

So...a week ago I met a new guy at FHE, Robert, he seemed nice enough, new to the area, black guy who likes to make black guy in Wyoming jokes... and I invited him to Institute as I always do and we exchanged numbers so I could send him the details. That one text turned into a phone call later that night.. the WEIRDEST phone call of my life! I have you guys to spew out all my live details at so I'm not one to pour out my soul to every person I've just met, usually I leave the details like “I'm 25 and have never been kissed or had a boyfriend” for at least our 5th-day-of-meeting-aversary... Well, this guy likes to work a little quicker, he went from “what's your favorite color” to “Have you every had a boyfriend” “Well have you ever been kissed?” And I'm like “Uh... this is not the kind of thing I tell a guy I just met! But you know me, I don't hide who I am, so I answered his questions... to which he responded “well what's wrong with you?” And I'm like “Uh... nothing... I don't know, you tell me?!” Ok... so the next day he invites me to hang out and play pool at the hotel he's staying at, at this point everyone I've told this story to is all “RED FLAG, RED FLAG!” And I'm like... I like playing pool that's all I was thinking! Anyway I don't want to be rude, and I honestly had no other plans so I agree to meet him there at 7 that evening...

So I get to his hotel and apparently the pool table is broken... he decides he wants to go see a movie but it starts at 9, so until then let's drive around town... if you've never been to Gillette, you wouldn't really know this, so I'll just tell you, driving around Gillette takes a total of about 10 minutes... There's a lot of talking (mostly him telling me about him...) Just FYI, at this point my thoughts are “this is a nice guy, a little weird, but nice enough. He'll like it here, I'm glad I get to introduce him to Gillette” and THAT'S IT! Friendship vibes 100%

We get to the movie, he pays for my ticket, but it seems to be like a “I chose a movie for tonights activity so I'm not going to make you pay” sort of deal not exactly a date-ish vibe... there's a point in the movie where two of the characters get into a big fight and I sarcastically lean over and go “I don't know if I can handle this, it's too sad!” So he picked up my hand and says “It's ok, I'll hold your had and you can get through this!” and he INTERTWINES our fingers together... and I'm thinking “this is weird, I don't like this... this has only happened to me once before (a guy holding my hand, not like this though) with Douchey Chad... but I liked Douchey Chad at the time and totally got butterflies... this is NOT like that” I just really wanted him to let go and after about a minute of that he pats my hand and lets it go and I thought, awesome, he thought that was weird too, it's all good!
After the movie he takes me to Wendy's to get a frosty and he gets a milk shake and a burger... While we're in line he again asks me “so what's wrong with you, you cook, you have a great personality, you're pretty” and I'm like “You know what, Robert, I don't know what's wrong with me, have you figured it out?!” and he says “yes” and I'm like “Well are you going to share with the class?” Honestly at this point I was getting pretty annoyed... So he tells me “You're Laid back” so I say “I'm too laid back?” and he's like “Nah, you're reading between the lines! Think about what I said” me: “oh, sorry, 'I'm laid back' so what, I should be more high strung?” R: “That's a good question, I don't know” my brain: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU SAID IT, YOU SHOULD KNOW!” my mouth: “ok well you get back to me once you figure it out...” So he for the FIRST time that night starts asking me a little about myself... He goes off about how most girl's he's dated have, like, issues... trust, commitment, etc... and I'm like, “well nothing bad has ever happened to me, like the worst thing is my thyroid stopped working... but that's mostly fixed with medication, so yup, no issues to speak of” and at this point he asks me to explain hypothyroidism... which takes FOREVER... he's like “Ok so you have no energy why don't you just go to the gym” YOU IDIOT! Your thyroid turns your food into energy! You don't just go to the gym or take a 5-hour energy (both his suggestions) It takes forever and he still never got it... anyway eventually I'm like “I need to go home...” So he walks me to my car and as I go to get in he's like “you should just warm your car up so we can talk more” yes, in June I need to “warm” my car up... but I don't want to be rude... so with my car door between the two of us he asks me “so how many dates have you been on?”

“I don't know, like 10, yup 10 first dates...”

“Well would you want to go on a second date with me?”

this was a first date?! “sure that would be fun” (I don't like being rude!) Then I realize Oh my gosh! He feel's sorry for me and thinks I'm begging for this... so I say “Look, you don't need to feel sorry for me, if you want to be friends I'M TOTALLY COOL WITH THAT!”

Friends... nah...” THEN LADIES AND GENTLEMEN HE LEANS IN TO KISS ME! What the F*(&@*#^% just happened?! My face looks a little like a pugs face... You know, like I'm leaning my head back squishing it together trying to avoid what's about to happen, but eyes open face pugged he steals my first kiss away from me with no intended provocation on my part!

Needless to say I was rather upset, I gave myself a 30 hour grieving period and now I can find it somewhat funny...

So there it is, the story that could possibly change everything... my blog is about my adventures as a 25-year-old lip virgin...and that has been taken from me! Many people have told me it doesn't count and for some intents and purposes I agree... but in this context, I kind of don't. So my focus is going to have to shift, but honestly that's a decisions for another day I suppose... for now I just want you all to know that a black man just couldn't resist ALL OF THIS!

BAM!!