The things...

So every person to ever live has those "things"... you know those things about them that really no one but their mother should love... and then theres that person, that person besides their mother who loves "those things"... Here is a list of my "things" that someday "that person" is going to love... whether he likes it or not!

1. My laugh... Now under normal circumstances when a girl says "OMG, like, my laugh is so  nnoying" it's really not... it's like, one of the cutest giggles you've ever heard in your life, like two angels had a glorious holy child and the music than just rang from her mouth could make deaf people hear! However, I am not one of those girls, when I tell you my laugh is annoying I'm saying it with great authority, authority taken from the two separate boys who took me to see movies and told me to "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" the entire time... and from the way a room sort of quiets down after I've laughed, like the collective mind is thinking "NOTHING literally nothing, especially not what just happened, will ever be THAT funny..." That having been said some day "that person" is going to find my dead-awakening, room quieting, banshee-like laugh adorable... so good luck to him... and his ear drums. 
2. The way I blow my nose... this one might seem weird, like come on, Sam! I get it, no matter who you are blowing your nose isn't lady like, or cute, and it will never be polite... and EVERYONE does it, so it's not like people get all that weirded out by it, right... WRONG! When I blow my nose, whether it's like I'm dying and can't breathe out of my nose it's so stuffed up kind of blow, or if it's like the tinniest of boogies that needs to give that tissue a dance... no matter what I do, it's as though a herd of elephants has been put in a room with a  ouse... and attached to their trunks are giant trumpets... so the normal elephant sound is magnified times a million... that is what it sounds like when I blow my nose. And so one day my person is going to find that unbearably adorable... one day I'm gonna be hanging out in his apartment and go to the bathroom down the hall shut the door, turn on the faucet, and blow my nose and his roommate is gonna say something like "Dude, did upstairs Steve take up the trumpet? 'cause he sucks!" and my person's gonna say "na, dude, that's just my woman blowing her nose..." and he'll get a little twinkle in his eye and his roommate is gonna say something like, "dude...." 
3. My innate desire... no... NEED! to know EVERYTHING that's going on! It's like a disease, I HATE not knowing what's going on.... There's this restaurant on my way to work and the sign says "Thanks Magic Valley for your loyalty" and I'm sitting in my car contemplating ways to find out what that means... are they closing? are they being weirdly grateful... I mean come on, you're a restaurant! Just tell me your secrets! Or how I still take pride in that one time Madeline told me, 2-years after we graduated High School, that if I didn't know something about our old classmates, then it wasn't true... ya, I still tell people that story... 5 freaking years later! Or how I like to spew out random facts about  Taylor Swift... like anyone cares, and come on by now most of the people who have met me probably think I'm one of those crazy fans who would meet Taylor Swift and just break down into tears and not even be able to remove herself from fetal position long enough to take a selfie with her... WHICH IS SO NOT TRUE! I mean... I'm not that crazy... I just REALLY like to know everything! So, that begin said, one day "he" is going to LOVE that about me... and every now and then he's going to come home with the latest editions of People and Us weekly just to keep me updated... He's so good to me!
4. My oddly disproportionate facial features... I'm not a tiny person, I'm 5'11" and I won't tell you how many pounds, just know it's more than a-buck-fifty... So back to my point... I'm not tiny and yet my nose, mouth, and eyes might tell you a different story. My nose has been described (in the last few years) as the "cutest thing I've ever seen"... my mouth has become a joke for all ages... I'm not even kidding I used to have bite size contests with a 5-year-old... she won every time... And my eyes... well they are deceiving... they look big, but, well lets just say I have to be careful when I put on liquid eyeliner because it ends up all over my brow bone because my eyelid isn't big enough to let it stay where it's supposed to... so then I just look weird... and maybe a little gothic.
5. My weird allergies. I have two of them, I mean I actually have a million allergies but most of them are pretty normal, hay fever, horses, dogs, cats, furred-animals (I could NOT have been Curella DeVille no matter how much I love her shoes) But no, on top of all these "normal
   
   allergies" I have two weird ones that even science cannot explain (or at least I haven't asked  im) Yes Science is a man, more specifically a little boy, his name is Audio Science and his mom is a movie star... and was probably high on PCP when she named him... anyway, he can't explain it so that's that! I'm allergic to raw carrots and celery... they give me heart burn... true story... so some day there will be my person and he will be able to look at this legit medical anomaly and he will support me and my cruditès'-less life!

These are my dreams, that some day I will have "that person" and these "things" will just be 5 of the many reasons he loves me!