#mrpointy

So for Halloween I'm Buffy The Vampire Slayer... Here are the top ten reasons I LOVE Buffy and all she stands for...

1. She can slay with a #2 Pencil
2. She always has a witty comeback for her latest slay
3. She stays up all night killing vampires and still manages to get up in the morning to do her hair... and she ALWAYS looks amazing!
4. In an attempt for normality she tried out for the Cheerleading squad... she was thwarted by an evil witch but I appreciate the sentiment 
5. She calls her stake Mr. Pointy
6. She died a couple of times but she never let it  change her... she's no follower that Buff...
7. Her nick name is Buff...
8. She kicks SERIOUS Butt for someone who's name is so close to Bunny...
9. She did all that she did with out a cell phone...
10. Spike 

If you haven't seen Buffy The Vampire Slayer the movie... I forgive you but insist you find a way to watch it... I'm pretty sure it's the love child of the original 90210 and The Vampire Diaries

If you haven't seen the TV show... well luckily for you Netflix has it... so get on it!

             

I had a dream about Judd Apatow...

So I woke up this morning from a marvelous alternate reality in which Judd Apatow, one of my favorite men in television, read my blog with his family... and the love it! The idea of that great and hilarious man and his equally hilarious family reading my random musings was just too good to awaken from... and yet, here I am... awake.

Why is it that my waking life can't be as amazing as my dream world... I make fun of the pathetic fans who tweet at their favorite celebrities begging them for birthday wishes and to just say hello, and yet, I'm just as bad... I make sure everyone I know, knows that one time Melissa Joan Hart asked the twitterverse what to do about a kid who is afraid to go to bed and I answered "I'm not a mom but I do babysit a lot, what always works for me is praying with the kids!" and she tweeted back AT ME "that's a great idea, I'll try it!" MELISSA JOAN HART..... SABRINA THE TEENAGED WITCH...THE CHICK FROM YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY.... Anyway... she's famous, and she tweeted at me, so BOO-YA! Oh and I even got super stoked when a semi-famous-person who was on the voice tweeted at me... ok, ok, I'm one of those pathetic people... 

I love celebrities, my dream in life is to know one, be best friends with him/her FOR EVER! 

Does that make me weird? Does that make me wrong? if that makes me wrong, I don't want to be right!

A day in the life of Not nerdy enough...

So, as it turns out... I am not enough of a nerd... my pinterest board full of Harry Potter pins might disagree but apparently all the men in Gillette (yes, all of them... because there are like 4) have decided otherwise.

Thursday night at Institute (Mormon religion class for college students that occurs once a week) we were talking about Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and Narnia; I have seen at least one movie out of each of these 3 series, and read none of the books. (yes we were talking about those during religion class, what of it?!) Any who... My complete lack of nerd-knowledge was disgusting to the nerds around me...

Here's the thing, guys, you ask me to recite the mermaid song from HP and the GOF and it might take me a few minutes to get it right but eventually I'll figure it out... Serious' address, you ask? Done! I had it memorized before I knew my own address... My Screen saver on my phone is the Deathly Hallow's for crying out loud but you ask me something about Hobbits, Wookies, or Mr. Tumnus (ps,  and I'm like... Whaaaa???

Lesson #32: Know your audience

I suppose my immense HP knowledge would do me well in any other situation but I forgot that where I live is more populated by LOTR, SW, and Narnian nerds... I forgot about my audience... My real down fall is that I didn't learn my HP knowledge for the love of men, I did it for the love of HP... if you're going to be a girl-nerd you either do it for the men or for a deep rooted love of all nerdom... you cannot specialize if you're going to do this... KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!

So there it is, yet another reason I'm not dating... my down fall today is my lack of nerd prowess... it's something I'm working on...

A day in the life of playing pretend...

So I've been thinking, is it just me or does everyone sometimes pretend to be spies on top secret missions... crickets... nope, ok, just me then!

Periodically I'll be running an errand and then BAM! suddenly I'm on a top secret mission for the CIA and it's my job to do what ever it is I'm doing but in a totally nonchalant way to make sure that no one notices anything out of the ordinary... and by doing so, I almost always attract attention to myself... Perhaps my CIA dreams are what's keeping me from dating...

Lesson #31: Keep the play-ground games in 4th grade...

I suppose by the time I reached 10 years old and started to see boys as more than just icky-cootie-carriers I should have started to grow up... but really, where's the fun in that? So I've made it my policy to be a kid for ever! I always tell myself that some day there will be a boy (maybe at this point I should start saying man...) who will find my oddities charming... these oddities include but are not limited to:

1. Pretending to be a CIA agent in my daily life
2. laughing like a 4 year old and sometimes snorting when I laugh too hard
3. drinking copious amount of Diet Coke
4. wanting my mommy when I'm sick
5. praying someone else will do my laundry
6. having a Thor case cover 
7. enjoying the Magic School Bus, Little Bear, and Cartoons in general
8. falling asleep to Kenny Loggin's Return to Pooh Corner...
9. mis-managing my money
10. relying on others to wake me up in the morning.

So as you can see... I'm still a 8 year old in my brain (perhaps why I have yet to find a date...) rarely do 8-year-olds date, although now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure I remember boys and girls in my 4-grade class having significant others... man... even 8-year-olds get more action than me!

A day in the life of not ready...

So this morning I proved to myself and all my Facebook friends that I am not an adult/ therefor not ready to be dating...

So it is apparently impossible for me to wake up at a normal time on my own... my internal clock either doesn't exist or needs to be repaired and lets be real, there are no more clock repair shops anymore... not since the canceled Sabrina The Teenaged Witch... So there goes that idea... can I buy a new internal clock?

Lesson #30 (ahhh 30!!!): develop your internal clock early in life

I once had a teacher who had an impeccable internal clock... all he had to do was tell him self the night before, "tomorrow I'm going to wake up at 5am" and the next morning at 5am he's up! How does that
happen?!

So here's how my mornings go (if I have an alarm)...

• alarm goes off, it takes me a good 5-minutes to recognize that the annoying buzzing sound in my dreams is actually an alarm...
• I press snooze...
• alarm goes off, it takes me a good 5-minutes to recognize that the annoying buzzing sound in my dreams is actually an alarm...
• I press snooze...
• these two steps may or may not be repeated 3-4 more times...
• A lay in bed awake begging God to make it actually be 2am...
• Finally I crawl out of bed all the while grumbling about how much I hate mornings...

At this point I usually go about whatever I'm supposed to be doing with an angry heart until I eat... 

Without an alarm this is what happens:

• I usually sleep until 1pm or until someone wakes me up.... ya that sounds about right.... 

So friends if you happen to have a knowledge of any internal clocks going on sail then please let me know!

the pencil adds 500lbs...

So let me ask a question... at what point did it become ok for someone to HONESTLY tell someone how they look?! When was that ok?! No seriously, can someone pin point a day for me  because I'd really like to build a time machine, go back to that exact day and do everything in my power to make sure it NEVER happens...

So yesterday I spent all day with the kids from the choir I work with and one of them decided to start drawing characters of each of us... So he finishes mine and brings it over to me (mind you I'd been sleeping/catching up on TV, so not really in a place for this to occur) basically expecting me to be so proud of him and there it is... in pencil and paper, a drawing of, well at first glance I saw a less garishly dressed version of Tweedle-Dee or Tweedle-Dum from Alice in Wonderland, and then at second glance and with the words "who's that supposed to be?!" and then there it was... I realized it... that hideous character was supposed to be a rendition of me...

Let's go back to that date ok, the date when honesty became more important than keeping a woman from punching you in the face... I don't care how much you've been told we want you to be honest, how much you've heard we want to be equal with you, FORGET IT! It's all lies!! 1. we are NOT equal... WE HAVE BOOBS!!!!! 2. Let's be real for a second, when did men stop passing down from father to son the art of keeping women happy... it's an art!

To all those men out there who read my blog... and to be honest I can only think of 3... try to remember when your wife/gf asks you "does this make me look fat" she's not asking about measurements, she's asking "do you still think I'm beautiful" and when you decide without solicitation (or with solicitation even) to draw a woman... you best make her curves (God or McDonald's given) look beautiful and sexy, not like she's a beardless-version of the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons...

A day in the life of Bro-Status...

What is it that moves a girl from potential girlfriend to bro-status... Some say that moment doesn't exist, that there will always be, in the guys mind, the potential for hook up, however I've been dateless for 6-years and kissless for 24 (ok, if we're counting actual dating years it's only been 8, but that's not the point!) It's been a loooooonnnnnggggg time... So my thinking is that there has to be some moment in a friendship that a man's thinking (unless you're basically a model) that you move from Potential GF to one of the bros... Here's what my research has turned up...

1. The moment you order steak and potatoes or a hotdog on your date you are officiall a bro. When asked what Potential GF food is he replied "Salad" ...
2. Being mean
3. Be unattractive, be my GF's sister or close relative, be under 18, or be in a relationship with my best friends.
4. Be flirty with lots of other guys. Thats a no no!!!
5. The annoying kind of flirty; be rude or belittling...
6. BE a bro, avoid responding, reacting or acting feminine.... But don't go so far as to lose your self respect... That could be a loose for everyone
7. Making everything an interrogation
8. Short in conversation and uninterested; send a message that she's wasting her time; don't respond to texts

So first off, thanks to the 7 out of 37 boys who answered my question... apparently no one cares about my dating life... which is LITERALLY non-existant! But whatever, I still love them...

Secondly... there it is... however as I look at this list my reactions are as follows:

1. I'd have to go on a date to order a salad so until that time I will continue to eat steak and hotdogs...
2. I'll show you mean!
3. Not unattractive (obviously) not your GF's sister or close relative... infect, my sister is a missionary and all my female cousins are married so BOO-YA! MOST DEFF not under 18... and I've never had a relationship so bam!
4. I mean... I don't know how to flirt so I don't think that's a problem...
5. again, I don't know how to flirt so... and I'm not rude but if my awesome presence is belittling I can't help that...
6. I don't know how to respond to that... I respond a little too desperately, let's be real! And while my dad claims I act like a trucker it's probably a feminine trucker.... I have more self respect than any self-respecting person should have!
7. why would you say that? do you think I ask too many questions? what kind of car do you drive? where were you on the night of the 27th? how's your french? have you ever had a deep fried oreo? who's your dentist? who many freckles do you have? do you own a blue jacket?
8. As my readers will tell you I am NEVER short in conversation. I am ALWAYS interested. my time is never taken up with men so any amount of time is not wasted! I am almost OCD about answering text messages!

So there you have it... men start lining up because I think it's not obvious that I am NOT your bro!!!!!