Ragamuffin...

Despite the addition of the word "Muffin" into this term, a ragamuffin is not something any sane person should aspire to be. Sure muffins can be delicious but add "raga" to it and BAM! You look disheveled and like you can't afford another pair of jeans dang it!

"Why is Sam talking about ragamuffins and jeans?" a sane person might be wondering at this point, well here it is, this morning I put on my ONLY pair of jeans sat on my bed and heard the sound that no woman ever likes to hear, the slight ripping sound that means your jeans have had it! Did I immediately change like any normal person might? NO, NO I DID NOT! I am currently wearing my jeans that ripped in my inner-left-thigh... That's how pathetic and Ragamuffinie I am... I'm currently wearing a pair of ripped jeans, set to expose me the moment I move in the wrong way. Don't worry, as soon as I get paid I'm planning on spending $81 on new jeans from Old Navy that I got marked down from $107 because I'm the BOMB! But the point is that this is probably why I'm not dating... because i do things like this. Boys probably prefer girls who have multiple pairs of jeans, infect, now that I'm thinking of it, every girl I know who has a BF has MULTIPLE pairs of jeans... OH MY GOSH! BREAKTHROUGH! I need to buy more jeans!!!!! As soon as I get my 5-new-pairs I'm planning on going on a jean spree! I'll have hundreds of pairs and what boy will be able to resist me then?! Oh, what's that? NONE! You got that right!

Perhaps I should consider a more expensive pair of jeans... But considering my height and other factors, Old Navy is my best bet... and whenever I think things like that I ask myself WWFAS? and the answer is almost always "mmmm betta not..."

In other related news:
Interesting fact... when you Google "ragamuffin" you get pictures of cats and goth-cartoons...so there's that...

Should

In case you were wondering, the topic I'm most passionate about and chose to write on... TV. True story, once I'm done with more than the outline I'll make sure to share. I'm not sure how my teacher will feel about a paper that's in writing 99% facetious but in reality 100% true... Any who...

Should is a word my Interpersonal Communications class studied last week, the idea that there is a "fallacy of should" that we humans often subscribe to. The idea behind it is that sometimes we mix up the way the world is with the way the would should be... So I'm going to do that today, I'm going to make a list of all the things I should do...

1. I should get out of bed before 9am... does that happen, not very often. Sometimes I find myself awake but out of principle and because of my set of beliefs (mornings are the worst) I lay in bed for an extra few minutes... OK HOURS!
2. I should stop drinking Diet Coke... ya, but that's not gonna happen! 
3. I should eat healthier... but, I mean, come one... PASTA IS SO GOOD! 
4. I should do homework before the day it's due, but I like the drama
5. I should save more money, and I'm working on it, but isn't it so much more fun to nickel and dime yourself to death? At least when you can no longer pay you're rent you can warm you self with all the stuff you bought at the dollar store... SO.... MUCH..... STUFF!!! 
6. I should admit that I've seen all the episodes of 30Rock and stop watching it on Netflix... but I won't
7. I should be doing homework right now...
8. I should clean my room right now...

 There are many more but that'll do for now... There are lots of things I should do but why do them when I can drink Diet Coke while eating Stake Gorgonzola Fettuccine from Olive Garden and watching 30Rock on Netflix... ya, that sounds like the best night ever!

PS... incase you can't handle your self and you're staring at that picture hoping to recreate it:

Here's a recipe for the  Stake Gorgonzola Deliciousness

Passion

For my government class we are supposed to write an op-Ed piece about something we're passionate about... I'm sure you're all aware of the weird things I'm passionate about... I spend a lot of time complaining to you, my peeps, about. But something legit... That people who want more than a laugh would read... I have very few things to say that can be placed in the category. 

Due to my need to pick a topic for this paper I will now make a list of things I am passionate about... 

     1.  How much Tumbler sucks

     2.  Naps 

     3.  Doritos 

     4.  Taco Bell

     5. Veronica and Logan vs. Veronica and Piz... Team Piz all the way!!

     6. Harry Potter and J.K's desire to change things up after the fact... Don't even get me started! J.K must stand for Just Kidding... 

     7. How disgusting hot tubs are... And really baths in general... 

     8. Driving

     9. How America is the best country in the WORLD!

    10. Diet Coke

    11. My hair and makeup... I Don't like getting makeovers...

    12. Television

    13. Team Peeta

    14. My politics (well that's boring!) 

    15. The evils of Alcohol... And me not being around to witness them...

    16. Movies

    17. The sexual promiscuity of Mrs. Packman...

    18. My music

    19. My beliefs (that's pretty all encompassing, though...)

    20. Lists

    21. Even/ whole numbers... Which means this list will have to get to 25

    22. Making people laugh... I actually agonize over this.

    23. My handwriting, I often have to tear out a page and rewrite it...

    24. Food

    25. Sports (when I commit... I COMMIT!!!)

Ok, I think I have some good topics... I'm leaning towards Taco Bell or Team Peeta... Thoughts? Leave them in the comment section below, please! 

100

So today is the official 100th post of All Sorts of Virgin! That's crazy! Last week I celebrated 10,000 views and this week it's 100 posts, that's pretty dang exciting! Thank you guys so much for reading, commenting, and sharing my random musings!

Today is Monday, I've never been one to be all "I hate Mondays", Usually they aren't too different from the rest of the week for me, but here I am with my first official "Case of the Mondays" it's Noon and this is how my day's gone so far:

Midnight: Get home from hanging out with friends and step on my favorite pair of glasses... yup, it started that quickly...

9am: wake up (an hour late) and realize it's a day where I have to go out and do shiz... so that sucked!

9:30 am: Pick up Diet Coke from gas station and spill it all over the floor 5-minutes later... 44oz of Delicious Dark Libations wasted to the floor of my car... at least it's Diet, so not sticky, right?!

Since then it's been pretty smooth sailing, but that's just because I'm at work, my personal Oasis... and maybe the fact that work is my Oasis is pretty sad and pathetic in and of itself... oh well, that's the way it works!


In less than an hour I will be forced to sit in my Statistics class and try and decipher what my Teacher is spattering on about, so that should be fun, and... wait for it... 6:00-9:30 tonight will be spent in my Astronomy class that is so completely useless I spend most of my time listening to my book on iPod... but if your interested, I Live-Tweet the ridiculous things  my teacher goes on about... it's actually pretty funny. Tune in if your interested, You'll learn how one can connect space and sex (trust me, it's possible!)

Would it be so wrong if...

1. I wrote a letter to the government for sending me tax refund money it doesn't have?
2. I was like those chicks on Mean Girls "who eat nothing at all" and drink Diet Coke and have NOTHING else... it's not a fat thing, it's an "I love Diet Coke" thing... I'd have issue with sharing a can though...?
3. I got a cat, even though I'm allergic? I just can't resist the Taylor Swift cat...
4. I made out with a stranger?
5. I do an interpretative dance to Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus?
6. I like Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus?
7. I stole a pen from EVERY establishment I enter that keeps them in a thing by the check out... you know, the ones they intend for you to take but you kind of feel bad about doing so? I have like 500 as it is, but I can never get enough!
8. I watch Pride and Prejudice (the 6-hour version) every time I clean out my closet?
9. I watch the following music videos because it's how I want my life to be: 22, Birthday, Hit the Lights, Ready or Not.
10. I love blonde jokes because it makes me feel like I'm in a special club... The Smart-ish Blondes Who Can Laugh At Blonde Jokes Club...?
11.  I crave Taco Bell every night at 11:43pm? I don't even smoke pot...
12. I want to control the music in the car and I want to be the only one who knows the words to the songs? (I think the answer to this one is yes)
13. I love making lists? Ever since HS... me and my friend used to write notes to each other in note form...
14. I take pride in my inappropriateness?
15. I can eat a whole box of Mac and Cheese to myself?
16. I hate talking on the phone? It's just weird! I love talking in person, I love texting, but talking on the phone is just weird!
17. Miss Packman is a whore. (there is only one person in the world who gets this...)
18. I only semi-hate country music?
19. I'm just trying to get to 20?!
20. I'm terrified to be 25?... Gee Obama, why couldn't you make it so I can be on my parent's insurance until I'm 30... I only have one year left now!!!

The beginning...

Well thanks to my dear friend Deidre, who you can find at Love The Skinny's (A read I highly recommend) I now have to get fit... Or at least try and get a little healthier. When I signed up for this deal it was basically 2am, I was weak, and wanted a change in my life... Then there was the morning after, in which I deeply regretted doing something good for myself. But I couldn't take it back, it was done! So here I am, Day 1 of the challenge and I started my morning off with a breakfast sandwich from McDonalds and two cans of Diet Coke... #NoShame #OkSomeShame

But now, lucky you guys, you get to be my sounding board for all my struggles through this adventure... I'm in it to win it, the prize at the end of this mess is a whole pile of mulah, and who doesn't need some free-buckage every now and then...

As a caution to myself I'm going to make a list of all the reasons this whole "getting healthy" thing hasn't worked for me in the past:

1. It takes work... I am, at my core, a lazy person... and so when I put myself in a position to go the extra mile, I set myself up for failure pretty quickly. If I could do nothing but sit in my room and watch Netflix until I die, I'd be happy... especially if I had an unlimited supply of Sonic Diet Coke that was delivered to me regularly. I've skipped whole days of eating just because I was too lazy to get up and make something... true story.
2. I'm essentially happy with who I am... sure, I'm fat (in the common sense of the word) But I like to think of myself as someone with "more to love"... there's this part of me that really wants someone to love me for who I am now... not who I will be when I loose weight, because if I'm this hot now, watch out! ;-) ...but seriously, I love myself, the only thing I want to change really is my fitness level, I'd like to be able to play with my children, if I EVER have any...  but lets not get ahead of our selves, how about I kiss a boy first.
3. I LOVE Carbs... and Steak... it's hard to explain, but I think my lack of ever being in love with a member of the opposite sex has given me an extra amount of love to spread into other aspects of my life... And most of that love has landed on pasta, bread, medium rare stake (closer to the rare side), alfredo sauce, ice cream, etc... those things that are so bad for you, and the whole "moderation in everything" idea, just doesn't fly with me... I want it ALLL!!! 
4. I get discouraged really easily... Last year I started working out daily, every morning, I did this for months, and NOTHING happened... I was even eating better, and yet, nothing came of it. I don't know, maybe I was getting to that point where it would start to happen any day now, but I quit because I just got so tired of nothing! It's like the time I quit trying in my Biology class... I got a few D's on my tests and just gave up... I was like "well Biology, you've betrayed me, I officially don't care how you work, I just trust that you do! Besides, I think I'm with the catholic church on this whole blasphemy thing, if God made it to work, just trust that it WERKZ!" 

But hey, this time I'm not just answering to myself, so maybe it'll be different! I'll keep you guys updated, I'm sure if nothing else it'll give me some pretty funny stories!

#freestuff

I hope you weren't too misled by the title of this post... I sadly have nothing free to give you, although I truly wish I did. Free stuff is one of my favorite things in the world! I'm the type of person who has waaaaayyyy too much junk because I can't resist something that's free---pamphlets, products, hand-me-downs, etc... all stuff I almost CANNOT resist.

I wish I had one of those blogs that was SO CRAZY POPULAR that companies were lining up to give me free stuff to try out and advertise, however, I supposed I'd have to have a blog that talked more about stuff than about my love life, or lack there of... As it is, you mostly come here to laugh at the ridiculousness that is my life. People don't want to buy things I suggest, not if there's no guarantee they won't end up living my life (which as we all know is good only for a good laugh).

I'm currently in the market for new jeans... mine always fall apart super quickly, possibly because they are all from old navy (who ALWAYS have my size) and possibly because I have so few pairs and wear them so often... any who, the point is my cart is currently holds $114 worth of jeans I want to buy and I spend hours trolling the web for coupons to help the price go down... One time I got $75 worth of stuff for $10... true story! Not exactly free but dang good enough, if you ask me!

My main point in this post is to beg people to send me free stuff, I'll take whatever you have... used stuff, junk, etc, as long as it's free, I'm your gal! Just think about it! I will look into doing a give away of my own... I'll keep you guys updated, but I suppose if I'm expecting free stuff from the universe, perhaps I should give back!

Stay classy, New York!

Online Dating: a cautionary tale

Have you ever tried online dating? Well I can now add my name to the list of those who answer this question in the affirmative... unfortunately...

Yes, only a few weeks ago I added my picture and some personal information to OKCupid... it's a fairly free service (Although if you want extra perks, you have to pay a little bit extra). The smart-phone app is semi-reliable and fairly easy to navigate. You get updates when someone "likes" you, although you can't see the list unless you pay the extra fee, and when someone sends you a message.

I've been flattered more than I ever have in the short few weeks I've been a member of this site, I've been told I'm "beautiful" "very pretty" "tall" "seem cool" and "the wrong kind of nerd" to name a few... It's a little awkward talking to these people though, for a few reasons....

1. the question of who should carry the conversation is a little unanswered, there's no correct formula for this. If they message you first, it seems sound to assume that they will be the one to try to further the conversation, however, sometimes that is not always the case, at which time you're left wonder... do I ask some questions to keep this going? do i say something like "if you want to get to know me you better start talking" (I was told to say something like that from a friend of mine... but wondered if that was rude...) what is my role as the message-e...
2. What if you get a little too weirded out, do you say "dude, you're weird, stop messaging me" or do you just not answer and hope they get the hint?
3. and the grand finale of all awkwardness: what if a married person messages you... Yes, this happened... it started with Veronica Mars... he noticed that in one of my pictures I was wearing my V-Mars backer shirt, and he asked me about it... so I went to check out his profile, and the first thing I notice is that he's married... so after debating about what to say for a while I finally said "You seem nice and I love Veronica Mars but I don't feel comfortable talking to a married person on a dating site" and he went into this LONG-A$# explanation about how his wife has MS and his life sucks and he loves her but isn't having his "needs" met and I wanted to PUNCH HIM IN THE BALLS!!!!!Any who... he was looking for an open relationship but hasn't told his wife so yet, so if you're interested... you're going to hell.

Online dating is weird... but I haven't gotten enough complements from boys yet, so I'll probably keep my account for a little longer... 

Miley Cyrus = everything that sucked about the 90's

There is a YouTube video called David Blane Street Magic, if you haven't watched it... repent and do so immediately! There is a line in that video in which the one man called David Blane a "Time Traveling Demon" it is my opinion that Miley Cyrus is a Time Traveling Demon... If you look closely enough I believe every single outfit she steps out in will take us straight back to all the worst parts of the 1990's...

1. faux-pink-fur and platform shoes

2. Mesh Tops... taken to the extreme, also this one is more of a mix between 1990's and anything Madonna wore...

           

            3. This one is more about the hair... and the bare midriff. 

 4. I mean... is it just me or is this a Clueless wardrobe reject?

                                  5. top, middle, shoes...

   6. This screams Space Jam to me... it's like she visited the set and took this jersey that was meant for a child and defiled all my childhood thoughts about Bugs Bunny and Michael Jordan...

                          7. Mesh top, goth look, spiky hair... WHY MILEY, WHY?!

8. AANNNNND it's back to the Midriff again!

                              9. Acid Wash high waisted jeans, blazer with shoulder pads

   10. Knee-high hooker boots and GIANT rapper-like crucifix necklace






             













                        11. Necklace, gloves, goth-country mix...










I think I've made my point and successfully blinded you all... But at least it's not there now and the CIA or NSA who ever monitors my blog for state secrets can look into this whole time traveling demon thing... it might come in handy, we could go back in time and stop somethings, like a giant recession, government bail outs, etc... Good luck Agents, let me know if there's anything else I can do to help.

hiku of explanation

Today Is Busy

I Have A Math Midterm

So Basically Dumb

Wish I Could Write More

But I Have To Go Sadly

So Another Time

Tomorrow Miley

Will Be The Subject Of Choice

Sound Weird? You Just Wait!

How To: do your 20's like Taylor Swift

You may or may not be a T-Swift fan... I happen to be a pretty big fan, I doubt I'd burst into tears if I met her (now my sister is a different story) but I love her music, I love her style, and I especially love her lack of scandalous behavior! My limited life's goal is to one day become her best friend and party the way she does... That being said, I've devised a solid list of ways to live my 20's like she does, which is the way I think all people should live their early adulthood...

 1. Travel... For people like Taylor this means hop on your jet and head over to Norway for a few days... for those of us who's jet's are currently stuck in the hanger until we earn a million more bucks it means take a day trip, see the sights in your area, but don't be stagnant... I think we all know I'm a fan of sitting on your can and watching something slutty on TV, but that's no way to live your 20's that's for you're 30's











2. Enjoy the sights, weather you've been blessed with the ability to run the parks of Nashville early morning like T-Swizzy, or you're driving the open plains of Wyoming, enjoy the beauty of God's creations... and if you can, you might as well look hot doing it... I mean, look at that, even her hair looks cute when she's exercising! HOW DOES SHE DO THAT?!

3. Regress... I don't know about you but I didn't have nearly enough face painting  as a child... so who says I shouldn't do it now?! NO ONE! And this time I can buy my own paint! Taylor here shows us the beauty of all different kinds of face painting... the Butterfly mask, the Unicorn across your face, and the parts of a whole facial masterpiece! Have fun!

 4. Karaoke... while we might find difficulty in finding the opportunity to sing classics with those who wrote them, there's no reason we shouldn't find the nearest bar and get kicked out, not for drunken brawls, but for offending the owner's wife with our siren songs!

5. Play Dress Up... and never stop doing so!

 6. Dance like there's no tomorrow... and if the urge hits you to do an interpretive dance to Wreckingball... just do it (not that I'm speaking from experience or anything... cough... cough... 2-weeks-ago...cough...in my basement... alone...cough)

 7. Don't allow yourself to be pressured by what other people think you should be... you might have a cat staring at you while you're trying to pick out your shoes, but don't let Meredith decide what shoes you wear to that awards show... what does she know, she's just a cat!

 8. Drink lots of Diet Coke...

 9. Read, and learn from the masters! Take notes constantly, and remind yourself there is never a time when you should stop improving who you are... also, have a chalk board, because they are awesome!













10.If it's possible get an expressive cat... they make everything in life more entertaining, and let's be real, that's what life's about!

11. Wear lipstick and be spontaneous! Be yourself always, and if that means wearing red lipstick when you have no other form of make up on, rock it! And don't be afraid to be goofy in that red lipstick, classy does not mean stuffy!

 12. Age is just a number, sometimes those younger than us are wiser than us! Also, walk on the beach... for obvious reasons! Wasn't it Inmate Martha "M-Dawg" Stewart who taught us the exfoliating powers of Sand?

 13. Emulate those who have gone before... also, do so in the American-French-Ambassadors house if possible, and in a super cute black dress!

 14. Cookies

 15. Party, whenever necessary... this does not need to include alcohol if you are smart!

 16. Make life fun! Have a random photo shoot, sing about everything, have themed parties, buy the weird sweater, sunglasses, or hat when you feel like it!

17. Don't be afraid to change up everything! You're not a politician so you can't be called a waffler, you're called a 20-something!

Midterms: Satan's plan

This week is Midterms, which means that NEXT week is Spring Break!!! But before we get to relax in the glow of Springtime, or as people say in Wyoming "more snow" we must spend a whole week stress eating and crying ourselves to sleep. So "why?" I ask myself, why is this allowed? Testing is the bane of every students existence, and as far as I'm concerned is not an accurate measurement of one's accumulated knowledge. It is, however, an accurate measurement of one's ability to cram an inordinate amount of knowledge into ones head until it inevitably disappears into the abyss five minutes after the test ends...

Here is, I believe, the origin of Midterms and Finals:

Meeting of all the evil in the universe:

• Satan (who sits at the head of the table with the inventors of plastic packaging and thongs on his right and left sides) says to the group: "Alright gang, we need to come up with a way to drive kids to drink... I'm thinking some form of super stress and then a whole week off... Ideas?" 
•  Whoever decided I needed to take Stats: "well I hear there are some pretty stupid classes required for college students these days, what if we make them take a test that accumulates their  knowledge to a mid and a final point?"
•  Satan: "excellent plan, Stat Man! Hey, check it, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!" 
•  all evil doers in attendance "hahaha, Oh master, you kill us! Haha"
• And then just because he's evil Satan set them all on fire!

Well now that I've laid out how Midterms got invented, I'm going to go ahead and study for something that may or may not lead me to Cancun next week for a topless appearance on Girls with Low Self-Esteem or something of the sort...