A Day in the Life of the Girl who Couldn't Flirt!

I know there are some people who will say "flirting is just natural" or whatever, but those people have never met me... Flirting is the most unnatural thing in the world to me... ok, well maybe licking my bathroom floor is a little less natural. 

I've spent the last week talking to people about this flirting thing. Asking them about their techniques, watching them flirt... it's been a little weird actually. I've been told it's all about body language, or just being natural, giggling, touching... Here are some of my problems with those things

Body Language: So whenever I try to lean in close or whatever it is you're supposed to do it ends up looking and feeling like I look as if I'm trying to who him a rash or something stupid like that... not natural...

Being Natural: So that works for me until the moment I realize I'm talking to an attractive boy... then I become a babbling idiot. I stutter, I make REALLY bad jokes. I've gotten my share of guys looking at me like I was a little insane. Think Goofy in A Goofy Movie... "A-ha-yuck"

Giggling: I don't know if you've ever heard me laugh... I have this theory that someday there will be a man who finds my ridiculous laugh adorable for those of you who can't picture it... here's an example of my laugh. 

Touching: this one is probably the most difficult for me. Boys don't touch me except when they are giving me my change back... Anyway, touching... I feel like I want to do the whole House Bunny thing "Look at your biceps, they're huge! Kiss me!" But then again, do I have to be wearing 12-inch heels for that to work? (mind you, that would make me 7-feet tall, so I'd have to be dating Kareem Abdul Jabbar... 

I've asked my friend Justin to help me out here, he's going to give us (me) some flirting tips to help us (me) one day have a successful day of flirting. 

Justin: 

First things first, would it be fair to say that not all the same kind of flirting works on all people. “A quiver of arrows", for all you ladies out there that don’t know what a quiver is.. because every man knows what a quiver is because they all go hunting with their buck knife. A quiver is a cylinder shaped object that holds the arrows. Every hunter knows that you need different kinds of arrows in your quiver. 

P.s. flirting is very much a form of hunting. 

Side note I’ve never actually hunted with bows and arrows. 

Back to arrows and quivers.. So you would want to use one type of arrow on a certain game. But you wouldn’t want to use that same type of arrow on a different game. Like, seriously, how many arrows do you think cupid has in his quiver. So to answer 

Samantha’s questions about touching, giggling, flirting, etc.:

Body language: the language of the body is too unequivocally crucial. It is important because people have less control over the things they show on their face than what they say. She might say one thing and her face might say something completely different. Picture this, a big couch and your sitting on this big couch with lots of room on both left and right side and the girl walks in and sits right next to you. Even though there is all that empty space on the couch. What does that mean? Flags should be going up. She’s clearly into you or she’s blind and she couldn’t see any of the space on the couch. 

So, there it is Ladies, strait out of the horse's mouth... or the boy's mouth, I guess. If there is one man in this world I trust, it's Justin! I am personally going to take his words and treat them as if they are scripture handed down from Aphrodite!