A Day in the life of Madam Maxime

Let's be real... If I went to Hogwarts people would assume, much like they did for poor Madam Maxime, that  I am half giant... which I basically am. My friend Erick and I were talking last night about the physical logistics of that relationship (Hagrid's parents)... Anyway, sorry about placing that image in your brain! So ya, I'm Ginormous, basically I'm 6-feet tall... this is the first time I'm actually admitting this out loud (or on the internet) Usually I say 5'11" which may or may not be true but let's be real... I'm probably closer to 6'.

Lesson #7: If you want your kids to stand a chance at finding a significant other, marry someone short!

This is the first and probably only time I will admit this (because I've always dreamed of marrying someone taller than myself) but here I am advising all you gentlemen out there who are taller than me to go and find some nice short girl who you could carry in your pocket, marry her and make normal-sized babies... it's for there best chance at life. I will be selfless for the children's sake, just call me Angelina Jolie (wait...is it too soon after the whole boob thing to make Angelina jokes/comments?! oh well)

Here are some ways in which my height benefits me:
1. I can almost always reach the top shelf, which is nice when you have short roommates because then I have all the top shelves to myself!!
2. I have a slightly more unique closet because I have to hunt more for taller clothing and short people can just walk into any old store and pick something off the rack... jerks...
3. I can intimidate people (this can also be bad, as I have discovered boys are sometimes afraid of me, but we're looking on the bright side right?!) (DANG IT! There I go again with being happy!! must...be...emo!!!)
4. Now that i've decided to be emo I have no more good things about being tall to report on... it's the worst!

Here are some bad things about being tall... this list could go on for hours so I'm going to try to condense...
1. I have to bend down really fall to reach the lower shelves
2. I have a slightly lighter wallet and less money in the bank account because tall-people clothes are expensive... jerks!
3. I intimidate people... come on guys, I'm like a freaking teddy bear, like one of those REALLY fatty ones that Taylor Swift got from Taylor Lautner in Valentines day! Children are sometimes afraid of me!
4. I have abnormally (for a girl not a tall person) large feet
5. Roller coasters can be really uncomfortable (limited leg room) And this can really be applied to any situation in which they have estimated the average height to be 5'9"... Planes, buses, cars, movie theatres, (you get the picture)
6. the higher they are the harder they fall... think about that one the next time you trip, you short jerk!

Ok, so it occurs to me that I've used the word "jerk" a lot, I want to be clear that I do not think all short people are jerks... in fact most people I know are shorter than me (As this post has made perfectly clear) and only some of them are jerks.

Moral of this post... don't be a jerk, marry someone short! Also, if you are a "dude" who's taller than me, I'm extremely single and would have absolutely no idea if you were a bad kisser, so give me a ring (on the phone, gosh, I'm not that crazy!!)

PS:
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